Lesbian Prom! Past and Present

It's just amazing. Inspiring, playful and so so good. We will get there, one day at a time.

http://www.autostraddle.com/lesbian-prom-37132/

New Year

Surprising that it is almost 2010. Surprising that my father is dead. I still just can't believe he is gone and will be something of my past and not my present or future. I miss him. And i can't believe he made such stupid decisions. Reckless. Absolutely reckless. What was he thinking? Why did money matter so much? I worry I could be the same way in the sense that what if i worry or value money too much? what if i end up being too concerned with accomplishments and sacrifice my time with loved ones and valuable parts of life that cannot be quantified in dollars or accolades?

People forget about the B in LGBT

Underscoring the curious attachment we have with structure and predictability, people, even those who identify with the LGBT community, forget about the B in LGBT. It is shame we have not come farther in our journey to acknowledge and embrace the fluidity of love, for it is our most valuable and inspiring quality.

it's been a long two weeks and a long couple months

The work is not slowing down and has been increasing in intensity over the last few months. I don't know if the economy is getting better-- I do know we have plenty of work to do in labor and employment.

It's amazing how different I am thinking about life and time now than I did five years ago, even two years ago. I am thinking about what kind of home I would like to live in, what kind of schedule is not too much but not too little, what career will really fulfill my needs, all of them.

I miss academia, but i also want to have a retirement account and be able to have savings and help my mother, when if she might need it in the coming years. (academia does not really pay all that much, unless you are a law professor) I have 180k in debt, which strongly suggests I should sit tight where i am with the good pay check, the job security, and the great training. I do enjoy what i do, it simply does not encompass all the things I want -- such as the opportunity to teach and be around young and vibrant minds and heated discussion.

Time, is in some ways normalizing, it grounds perspective more steadily, it slows the urge to react quickly--- time has passed and so much has happened a part of me now seems content with letting go a wee bit of control.

Sometimes i think mid-day, mid-crisis, mid- 15 hour work day-- and wonder is this where i should be? Is this how I should be using my time? And I am not critiquing necessarily my work, but simply wondering is this stress, this pressure, this ever lasting challenge have light at the end of the tunnel? Where does it lead and should i simply sit tight and let go of the wondering "where" it might lead and instead focus on the here and now-- powering through the challenges, savoring the quiet downtime and letting the rest sort it self out.

Am I meant to be a professor? A corporate attorney with a good salary who teaches on the side, but who can also help my mother ten years from now when her retirement savings are just not enough? Will it be something else entirely?

The things I most enjoy about what I do now are the following:

• the pace, i love the fast pace. Its impossible to get bored
• the sophistication of the work and intellectual tasks i am asked to do
• the people i work with, smart fun and trustworthy
• the resume power-- its a good job, marketable, ranked top in the country for what we do
• the paycheck-- pays the bills, pays the loans, and makes things feel doable-I don't have a safety net, so to speak, and it feels good to kind of be my own source of security
• the training-- for labor and employment law (defense side :( ) it cant be beat

The things I don't have/dislike about what I do now:

• I do not feel like I am making the world a better place
• The pressure can be very very wearing, and at times self defeating
• While intellectually simulating, it is not intellectually moving-- I am not inspired, my connection the world around me is not strengthened, but rather worn thin. I miss the classroom, I miss theory, I miss big ideas and ideas that have no easy or disinterested answers. This I miss most.
• I miss teaching and learning in that way. I miss the exchange of ideas, the evolution of dialogue around social issues and the constant incentive to question and learn.
• I miss people who think about making the world a better place and make it their life's purpose to better understand how to get there.
• I miss being pushed to do the same.

Busy Busy

It feels like my work life is exploding. There simply are not enough minutes in the day to get all of these things done. I wonder, would academia be more or less stressful? and would the extra 4+ yrs of the Phd program i am looking at assure a job at the end?

I want to teach, there is no doubt about that. Getting there may be a little more complicated.

Wish me luck and sufficient sleep.

Restful weekend- thank god

The last two weeks have been so busy. I think i worked 75 hours the week before last and 60 something last week. The 2nd circuit filing was super stressful. So when i hit the weekend, all i wanted to do was chill and focus on nonwork activities. I went to a barn about a half hour out of town and checked out the facility and spoke with a trainer about getting back into riding. I then went to a tack shop and spent way too much money getting new britches, half chaps, ridding boots, gloves etc. I was splurging, but oh well.

It's so easy to get caught up in the stress of tasks and work and deadlines and just simply forget about the rest of your life, interests etc.

This weekend was a much needed break. Now i am back to work on a motion for an erisa case which I am entirely new to. I dont know of any other statutory regime more complicated than this stuff. ugg... wish me luck.

Justin and pinda are asleep on the couch :)

till next time.

xoxo

invited

Hey there-- Since i rarely can keep contact with any one of you on a semi regular basis, and its nice to vent/keep in touch, even if its over email/blog/facebook--- I have invited you as "reader," ie the blog is not public its just for me and my friends reading pleasure :) :)

hope you all are doing well

xoxo
em

ps
when i was little my dad called me "the divine miss em." hence the title of the blog.