Attitude is Everything

Attitude is everything; it really is.

Positive, confident, assertive. If I approached all of my school work that way......miracles would be not just possible but they would happen all the time. Just kidding.

But seriously. Your attitude is so much of what you bring to your life, your day and your achievements. It makes a world of difference. Of course there are the rough days, the over scheduled weeks and the very over tired mornings. Notwithstanding, you can make or break your day based entirely on how you approach it.

Good energy begets good energy.

Now, if only I could teach my little dog this. All evening she wants to play and she does not want to play by herself. All evening as in until after midnight. I don't blame her; I am pretty boring when I am just reading and studying and typing. That is entirely fair. But whining, geese pup... the whining does not help.

She may need a roommate. I don't think I am as exciting as I use to be for her. She needs a little soccer team of other puppies to play with. Mom is boring; all she does is work.

Finally, she fell asleep, only after I drove the Kroger at 11:30 at night to go and buy more bones and dog toys so she would leave me alone.

At the present moment she is next to my thigh on the comforter, fast asleep and having a little puppy dream. her little legs quiver from time to time and she gives out these little half hearted whimpers. It's the cutest thing. You just have to forgive her for being such a brat earlier.

Guglhopf on a Sunday afternoon

This place is a blizzard of activity. Food being delivered. People waiting for seats, coffee and fluffy croissant in hand. caffeine. Lots of caffeine. Chattering everywhere.

Jac and I are working upstairs in the corner, both doing different work on laptops squeezed on this little tabletop. I just took a break from transcribing some of my interviews for my thesis into mini stories for each interviewee. I just finished one partner and started another---both of whom had had been diagnosed with cancer in the last 2 years and have been co parenting a feisty eight year old. The partner I am halfway through transcribing the interview of passed away almost exactly a month ago, a month and a half after i met with her in Brightleaf Square to interview her about being a mother, a lesbian, and a woman with cancer trying to plan for her daughter if and when she passed away.

It's so heavy and so full. Beautiful and sad. A story of love and loss and turning of events no one ever really expects or plans for.

I have really enjoyed working on this thesis, particularly because of stories like theirs. Today actually, there is a memorial service at a local church for her. A part of me wants to go. The other part is a little weary, not only because the last memorial service i attended was my dad's but also because its just heavy and.... there is so much to do.... and I will likely sink into some kind of sadness or something if i went. It would be cathartic, but it would also be really intense and I don't know if i need intense right now. the jury is still out.

Jac is sitting across from me right now, typing away, focused and just so slightly speaking to herself as she types. She is so cute. Smile. Smart little thing.

We went to a dinner party last night and had a great time. We retired just before 1am and headed to bed. It seems that these days there is so little time and even less energy to be foolish and playful, wasting hours doing not much of anything, giggling, or just talking or even having a wide open weekend to just see what happens. Being here and there and getting sleep and driving hours to see one another, then she has trial, then i have a paper then we are off somewhere else to visit friends or make it to a party. Busy as can be, but happy.

I think both of us would benefit from some boredom but I just don't think that is anywhere in site.

It's good to have her here. It's good to be home and to be with the dogs. Life is good.

The Beginning of the End

We just finished our first week back at school. It's good to be back. I got inspired by my drive down and have invested in a large new filing cabinet. So far so good. Everything isn't in there yet, but I am getting there: to a paper free apartment.

Thesis is going alright, check. Paper for professor Fisk has some improvements, so that is good, check. I was way stressed about that one. Other classes seem to be rolling along. Workouts with the ladies are fab and I hope to add a new person to my list of 'trainees' soon.

Pinda just started agility class Wednesday. I think the class is more about training the owners than the dogs. I suppose with time that will lead us somewhere.

I think of my dad off and on. It's surreal much of the time and the rest it's like the faint pain in the back of your mind that you avoid because there really isn't much you can do about it. It's crazy though, the permanence of it. The lasting absence of death. You just never really fathom it, even after it happens. I still feel just as shocked now, over 8 months later, as some of the people who just found out. Your mind just doesn't really wrap around it. It simply doesn't fit most days. Others, its more real. I avoid those.

Family weekend was the last time I saw him. I remember when he left. We are at the PILF auction. He paid for me to get the Chemerinsky dinner for me and my friends and we won. It was a picturesque moment. One of my more favored memories with him. Minutes later, he left with Karen to the hotel and they flew back to Dallas the next morning. That was in February of 2007. He died in April of 2007.

So family weekend is coming up next month. I have decided, with good reason I think, that I would prefer to be elsewhere that weekend. Richard and I might go up to visit our bud Ryan at his Marine Officer training school somewhere near DC.

The three of us were buds last semester, will be i would imagine for some time. But it really got me through the good and the ugly last semester. And you couldn't find a more odd threesome. Rich the pediatric anaesthesiologist from South Africa, Ryan the Republican Marine, and me, the uber liberal lesbian from Utah. Who would have thought. We get along fabulously and have some of the most interesting debates I have had in the longest time.

Rich and Ryan are a blessing. Looking forward to our next rendezvous.

Must get some sleep.

From Philly to Cameron Stadium

I drove 421 miles today in under seven hours. Philly to Durham with Pinda asleep on my lap just about the whole way. Not bad, I must say.

But more importantly, this was my first cameron experience with the duke blue devils and it was well worth camping out for 36hours without a shower or much sleep. If you have the opportunity to attend a game at cameron, take it and don't ask questions even if you arn't a bball fan. It's just one of those things you have to do, like the bucket list or something.

So this is my blog. We just met, but I think it's gonna work out. Hopefully I can keep in touch with all you friends o'mine across the country who i never call but mean to and miss more than you know.

PS: in true emily bieber fashion i listened to a audio cd on my way down from philly about time management and stress-free productivity. I will let you know if it works.