This place is a blizzard of activity. Food being delivered. People waiting for seats, coffee and fluffy croissant in hand. caffeine. Lots of caffeine. Chattering everywhere.
Jac and I are working upstairs in the corner, both doing different work on laptops squeezed on this little tabletop. I just took a break from transcribing some of my interviews for my thesis into mini stories for each interviewee. I just finished one partner and started another---both of whom had had been diagnosed with cancer in the last 2 years and have been co parenting a feisty eight year old. The partner I am halfway through transcribing the interview of passed away almost exactly a month ago, a month and a half after i met with her in Brightleaf Square to interview her about being a mother, a lesbian, and a woman with cancer trying to plan for her daughter if and when she passed away.
It's so heavy and so full. Beautiful and sad. A story of love and loss and turning of events no one ever really expects or plans for.
I have really enjoyed working on this thesis, particularly because of stories like theirs. Today actually, there is a memorial service at a local church for her. A part of me wants to go. The other part is a little weary, not only because the last memorial service i attended was my dad's but also because its just heavy and.... there is so much to do.... and I will likely sink into some kind of sadness or something if i went. It would be cathartic, but it would also be really intense and I don't know if i need intense right now. the jury is still out.
Jac is sitting across from me right now, typing away, focused and just so slightly speaking to herself as she types. She is so cute. Smile. Smart little thing.
We went to a dinner party last night and had a great time. We retired just before 1am and headed to bed. It seems that these days there is so little time and even less energy to be foolish and playful, wasting hours doing not much of anything, giggling, or just talking or even having a wide open weekend to just see what happens. Being here and there and getting sleep and driving hours to see one another, then she has trial, then i have a paper then we are off somewhere else to visit friends or make it to a party. Busy as can be, but happy.
I think both of us would benefit from some boredom but I just don't think that is anywhere in site.
It's good to have her here. It's good to be home and to be with the dogs. Life is good.
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